It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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