Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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