My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize