Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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