so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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