if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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