The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize