he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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