How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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