Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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