I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She is in my trunk
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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