ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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