So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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