Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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