Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
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Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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