just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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