Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
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Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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