kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize