It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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