just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize