Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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