Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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