you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize