I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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