I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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