he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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