you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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