nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize