My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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