if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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