i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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