I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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