If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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