Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
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GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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