is your mom at the bar?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize