they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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