remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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