He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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