So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize