Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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Still dying that you shit outside
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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