I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize