My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize