we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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