Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
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