I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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