Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
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I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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