My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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