oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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