I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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