You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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Your shirt... Was in my pants
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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