Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
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My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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